Mother I Sober Song Lyrics by Kendrick Lamar
I’m sensitive, I feel everything, I feel everybodyOne man standing on two words, heal everybodyTransformation, then reciprocation, karma must returnHeal myself, secrets that I hide, buried in these wordsDeath threats, ego must die, but I let it purgePacify, broken pieces of me, it was all a blurMother cried, put they hands on her, it was family tiesI heard it all, I should’ve grabbed a gun, but I was only five
I still feel it weighing on my heart, my first tough decisionIn the shadows clinging to my soul as my only criticWhere’s my faith? Told you I was Christian, but just not todayI transformed, prayin’ to the trees, God is taking shapeMy mother’s mother followed me for years in her afterlifeStaring at me on back of some buses, I wake up at nightLoved her dearly, traded in my tears for a Range RoverTransformation, you ain’t felt grief ’til you felt it sober
I wish I was somebodyAnybody but myselfOoh, I wish I was somebodyAnybody but myself
I remember looking in the mirror knowing I was giftedOnly child, me for seven years, everything for ChristmasFamily ties, they accused my cousin, “Did he touch you Kendrick?”Never lied, but no one believed me when I said “He didn’t”Frozen moments, still holding on it, hard to trust myselfI started rhyming, coping mechanisms to lift up myselfTalked to my lawyer, told me not to be so hard on myselfHe has an aura, I hope to achieve, if I find some help
Congratulations, made it to be famous, still I feel uneasyWater watching, live my life in nature, only thing relieves meSpirit guide whisper in my ear tell me that she sees me“Did he touch you?” I said “No” again, still they didn’t believe meMother’s brother said he got revenge for my mother’s faceBlack and blue, the image of my queen that I can’t erase‘Til this day can’t look her in the eyes pain is taking overBlame myself, you never felt guilt ’til you felt it sober
I wish I was somebodyAnybody but myselfOoh, I wish I was somebodyAnybody but myself
I was never high, I was never drunk, never out my mindI need control, they handed me some smoke, but still I declinedI did it sober sitting with myself, I went through all emotionsNo dependents, except for one, let me bring you closerIntoxicated, there’s a lustful nature that I failed to mentionInsecurities that I project, sleeping with other womenWhitney’s hurt, the pure soul I know, I found her in the kitchenAsking God “Where did I lose myself? And can it be forgiven?”
Broke me down, she looked me in my eyes, “Is there an addiction?”I said “No”, but this time I lied, I knew that I can’t fix itPure soul, even in her pain, know she cared for meGave me a number, said she recommended some therapyI asked my momma why she didn’t believe me when I told her “No”I never knew she was violated in Chicago, I’m sympatheticTold me that she feared it happened to me, for my protectionThough it never happened, she wouldn’t agree
Now I’m affected, 20 years later trauma has resurfaced, amplifiedAs I write this song, I shiver ’cause I’m nervousI was five, questioning myself, ‘lone for many yearsNothing’s wrong, just results on how them questions made me feelI made it home, seven years on tour, chasing manhoodBut Whitney’s gone, by time you hear this song, she did all she couldAll those women gave me super powers, what I thought I lackedI pray our children don’t inherit me and feelings I attract
A conversation, not being addressed in black familiesThe devastation haunting generations and humanityThey raped our mothers, then they raped our sistersThen they made us watch, then made us rape each otherPsychotic torture between our lives we ain’t recoveredStill living as victims in the public eyes who pledge allegianceEvery other brother has been compromisedI know the secrets, every other rapper sexually abusedI see ’em daily burying they pain in chains and tattoosSo listen close before you start to pass judgement on how we moveLearn how we cope, whenever his uncle had to walk him from schoolHis anger grows deep in misogyny, this is post-traumaticBlack families and a sodomy, today is still active
So I set free myself from all the guilt that I thought I madeSo I set free my mother all the hurt that she titled shameSo I set free my cousin, chaotic for my mothers painI hope Hykeem made you proud, ’cause you ain’t die in vainSo I set free the power of Whitney, may she heal us allSo I set free our children, may good karma keep them with GodSo I set free the hearts filled with hatred, keep our bodies sacredAs I set free all you abusers, this is transformation
I wish I was somebodyAnybody but myselfOoh, I wish I was somebodyAnybody but myself
You did it, I’m proud of youYou broke a generational curseSay “Thank you, dad”Thank you daddy, thank you mommy, thank you brotherMr. Morale
Before I go in fast asleep, love me for meI bare my soul and now we’re free