Amish Paradise Song Lyrics by “Weird Al” Yankovic
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grainI take a look at my wife and realize she’s very plainBut that’s just perfect for an Amish like meYou know, I shun fancy things like electricityAt 4:30 in the morning, I’m milkin’ cowsJebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool
And I’ve been milkin’ and plowin’ so long thatEven Ezekiel thinks that my mind is goneI’m a man of the land, I’m into disciplineGot a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chinBut if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thineThen tonight, we’re gonna party like it’s 1699
We been spending most our livesLivin’ in an Amish paradiseI churned butter once or twiceLivin’ in an Amish paradiseIt’s hard work and sacrificeLivin’ in an Amish paradiseWe sell quilts at discount priceLivin’ in an Amish paradise
A local boy kicked me in the butt last weekI just smiled at him and I turned the other cheekI really don’t care, in fact I wish him well‘Cause I’ll be laughing my head off when he’s burning in HellBut I ain’t never punched a tourist even if he deserved itAn Amish with a ‘tude?You know that’s unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hatAnd my homies agree I really look good in black, foolIf you come to visit, you’ll be bored to tearsWe haven’t even paid the phone bill in 300 yearsBut we ain’t really quaint, so please don’t point and stareWe’re just technologically impaired
There’s no phone, no lights, no motorcarNot a single luxuryLike Robinson CrusoeIt’s as primitive as can be
We been spending most our livesLivin’ in an Amish paradiseWe’re just plain and simple guysLivin’ in an Amish paradiseThere’s no time for sin and viceLivin’ in an Amish paradiseWe don’t fight, we all play niceLivin’ in an Amish paradise
Hitchin’ up the buggy, churnin’ lots of butterRaised a barn on Monday, soon I’ll raise anotherThink you’re really righteous?Think you’re pure in heart?Well, I know I’m a million times as humble as thou artI’m the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be likeOn my knees day and night, scorin’ points for the afterlifeSo don’t be vain and don’t be whinyOr else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie
We been spending most our livesLivin’ in an Amish paradiseWe’re all crazy MennonitesLivin’ in an Amish paradiseThere’s no cops or traffic lightsLivin’ in an Amish paradiseBut you’d probably think it bitesLivin’ in an Amish paradise